Nay Sayers, HO!
So some of you still don’t marvel at my infinite wisdom of everything, including economics.
So just let me lay things down again.
SLOWLY…
So, if there ever was an economic crisis, which I’m still not convinced there was, it started because the war in Iraq wasn’t racking up the ratings any more. After five years, it’s kinda old news.
So The National Enquirer ran an article about how Angelina Jolie adopted the whole country of China, and this inevitably moved Oprah to buy her entire studio audience H3 Hummers, hence the oil crisis. With oil prices sky rocketing, Jamie Lynn Spears couldn’t afford her expensive petroleum based make-up products, so she sold her soul to Nickelodeon and Zoe 101 was born.
Out of the fame of being a Nickelodeon super star, Jamie Lynn started to take notice of the opposite sex…
Maybe that was just puberty…
The point being there was a bun in the oven and someone done put it there, so Zoe had to be canceled. Of course children everywhere were wrecked, and asked there parents why Zoe was canceled. This of course led to every child on the planet getting “the talk” several years too early, the end result, pre-teen pregnancy exceeds teen pregnancy in 2008 and the American population almost doubles within 9 months of the cancellationof Zoe 101 (personally I’m just glad that Chase finally won out in the end), and jobs became scarce with all those extra mouths to feed.
With Americas population reaching almost two billion, some time between now and later, (don’t forget, all people in China are now Americans) people start saving there money, I don’t really know why, but they do.
“Oh no, the economy is going to crash, I should pull all my money out of the bank and put it in a shoe box under my bed!” Says one lady.
“Look, the Dow dropped 105.9 points, I’m going to stop eating for the next month in order to save money, but like hell I’m putting it in the bank!” Says another kind sir.
“I was going to buy a car, but instead I’ll just ride my bike, cause that’s a lot cheaper.” Says a 12 year old boy.
The point here is there is no economic crisis, but, people (specifically Jamie Lynn Spears) are causing it to happen.
Stocks drop when no one spends money, prices drop when there is no demand, so yes, by saving your money, you are causing prices to come down, but some things are actually priced a certain way becausethat’s what they need to cost. So sometimes when prices drop, companies end up losing money, and then jobs are lost and then no one has money, and this will keep going until someone has the dumb idea to print money and hand it out.
At that moment in time you will realize, all the money you saved is worthless because inflation blew prices to crap.
You all did a really good job when everyone on the planet went out and bought 3 copies of The Dark Knight for themselves, but it can’t stop there. Don’t you now see that you need a 62″ high definition LCD television from Bravia, and possibly a 72′ HDMI cable to hook up your brand new Blu-ray player from across the house in order to fully enjoy The Dark Knight? And why stop there, you could always get louder surround sound.
So Chrysler shut down their plants, GMC MIGHT go bankrupt, and it cost a whole extra dollar to buy peanut butter crunch then it did last year.
So what! I have reasons not to panic about any of those things!
Chrysler sucks, the word MIGHT, and it’s still delicious and crunchy!
The lesson we can all take away from this is
Don’t save your money, spend it. Otherwise I will find you…
Economics!
As of yesterday, Wednesday, the 10th of December 2008, the world economic crisis was declared over! We can all go back to our normal lives!
For those of you that are not as in tune with the world economy as me, I’ll fill you in.
The most anticipated movie since the birth of Jesus, The Dark Knight, came out on DVD and Blu-ray Tuesday. It sold over 20 billion copies, worldwide, on the first day.
Yes, that is more than three copies per man, woman and child on the planet.
The point here isn’t how implausible the solution was, but how incredible it became!
Hollywood saved America!
All these years tearing down shallow movie stars for corrupting our youth, and here we have a situation where a “shallow movie star” gave his life to better our standard of living!
Thank you Heath, you saved us all!
You were the one who was able to look at people worried about the economy and say…
Why so serious?
