Fatal Beatings
So hate week continues, and the hurt I will bestow on my beaver like friend will be unimaginable.
Let the fatal beating begin.
At this point in time some of you might be wondering “he has a friend that looks like a beaver?”
Well sorta.
He’s got some big teeth like one and he definitely eats wood like one, but the thing that makes him most like a beaver is the fact that he has the capacity to wreak a home like one.
Yes I know some of you haven’t realized that a house is just a bunch of pissed of trees nailed to each other, but, I assure you, that’s how you build a house. And yes, a beaver is just a really large termite with a flat tail for clubbing baby seals or, the shameful portion of a platypus. The point here is: Not Cool.
That is point number one in my ten point proposal for TRYING HARDER, or…
at all?
Point number two is don’t be a beaver, because they are vegetarians, like him, and don’t eat meat or wrestle grizzly bears. In all seriousness though, I would like to know who is going to watch Fight Club with me while gnawing on the inner thigh of a freshly stalked and successfully trapped antelope?
Not Him!
The only stalk he wants is part of a celery which explains why crap moves so smoothly out his mouth…
Celery has an extremely high fiber content…
Point number 3 is stop feeding me crap: it leaves a bad after taste (that one has a subtitle). Also, your crap has no protein in it, because you eat plants!
Point number four is, there aren’t any more points…
So in summary:
1. Not Cool!
2. Don’t Be a Beaver.
3. Stop Feeding Me Crap: It Has a Bad After Taste.
4. There Are No Other Points.
5.
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I hope everyone can take something away from this ten point plan for academic excellence!
