Fat People Hunger
So if you don’t know me I’m 6’3″ and I weigh a staggering 250 pounds or, if you are still stuck in the medieval times of the metric system (yhea I’m looking at you Canada) that would equate to about 190 cm and 114 kg. The point here is I am a large man, and there are still those of you out there that would like to believe that I don’t need a deep fried elephant with a side of baby beluga in order to sustain a heart beat.
Well let me tell you something! I am currently in my senior year at Northern Michigan University, finishing up a Sports Science Degree. In doing such I have had many opportunities to calculate my daily caloric needs. More often than not it ends up around 6000 kcals per day.
For you people not knowing what that means it’s about a deep fried elephant with a side of baby beluga at EVERY MEAL(Breaded Walrus works as a good substitute for the Beluga but, it should be chilled over night and served with ranch dressing and pepper jack cheese). In any case, it goes without saying that I get a little hot under the collar when some punk high school kid tells me I can only have one corn dog because that’s what they are allowed to serve to that 45 pound Jr. high girl, at that table, over there! I COULD FRIGGN’ EAT THREE OF THOSE JR. HIGH KIDS AND STILL NOT BE SATIATED! GRAB A SNICKERS? SCREW OFF! GET ME A FIRE TRUCK FULL OF CHOCOLATE MILK! I don’t care how much you are allowed to give the actual kids at this camp, I’m not a camper, I’m your boss! I require 8 corn dogs and 6 pizza sticks, and no, I’m not going to pick one or the other or, come back for seconds! WHY!?!?! I can finish one corn dog before I get back to the table! This is America, home of the Big Mac, not the “Reasonable Portion Mac”, or the “I May Need Another Mac”, The Big Frign’ Mac, and even though I hate those things, McDonald’s was on the right track when they named that heart atack on rye.
Just like Godzilla and Texas, BIGGER IS BETTER. Oh, and one more thing, I would much rather eat one of those disgusting Big Macs than that friggn’ Kentucky Brown crap! UGGHH! Why would someone ever take all the left overs from the last month, mix them together and name them after a very private part of my day. I’m done with camp food! Forever!
