I’m Pissed!
So I have a serious beef with the big guy right now.
It’s the 20th of April, the weather has been gorgeous, I even was able to get a two hour bike ride in on Easter Sunday.
But today sucks.
Want to know why?
Well I don’t know what stupid place you live in, but all you have to do here is look outside.
In ten day’s it will be May, you know, April showers bring May flowers?
April blizzards piss me off, and probably kill May flowers.
Every year…
With out fail…
There is a snow storm in April that just makes all the other snow storms look like Popsicles?
Just once, I would like to have an April where I can sleep outside in my hamockand not have to worry about waking up with hypothermia.
Just once, I would like to be able to have an April with out a snow day.
I don’t know what we did God, but seriously!?!?!
I would rather have a plague of lotus…
Or locust, I can’t remember which one was the good one…
It’s not like we have any craps to devour with all this snow…
Or crops, I can’t remember which was the one we wanted…
Point being, I am filing a formal complaint with the global weather control. This is unacceptable!
“I Park Like An Idiot”
I’ve noticed, that after the first snowfall of every year, people forget very basic driving skills.
I’m not just talking about the people that forget, “hey, that’s ice, maybe I should make sure I can stop…
Nope….”
*CRASH*
No, I can actually deal with those guys.
Or the people who are like, “I should probably scrape my windows and defrost my windshield…
I’m only have to drive 40 miles until I reach my destination, I’ll be ok….”
#INSERT RANDOM EXPLOSIONS#
Those guys aren’t that bad either.
It’s the people that think, just because they can’t see the lines means that they aren’t there.
This is not hide-and-go-seek where when someone can’t see you means you can’t see them!
No, in-fact, the lines are still in effect.
And they haven’t changed direction, color, or sexual orientation.
They’re the same, and I shouldn’t have to spend my time painting snow yellow just to make sure I can get a parking spot at any given time of the day.
Also, snow-plow people, please don’t put snow in, on, around, or under my vehicle, it puts me in a bad mood.
Which you have already put me in since I just discovered the 39 and 1/2 parking spots you dumped snow upon.
My parking lot it not a snow landfill city worker-man, no, and you are foolish for treating it as such. Please stop because I am tired of having to park in my living room just to be able to turn my car off.
Between the people that park horizontally, in their F-950s, across diagonal spots, thus wasting 12 perfectly good receptacles for my 350 lbs Chevy Caviler, (I really only need half a spot guys, seriously) and the inconsiderate plowmen, winter is a very cold season.
And that’s why it snows.
A Fantastic Journey!
So some of you may know, I broke my hand.
An even fewer amount of you, in an attempt to be as heartless as possible, make fun of me for it.
So as I type this, bear in mind (grizzly bear to be specific), I am typing with one hand.
It is quite painful.
So I work for Mensatanards (I’ve been trying to be more subliminal in my writing), and company policy for Menwillusehydrochloricacidtomeltyourfaceards is that all team members (that’s what they call us so we don’t mutiny) work the day after thanksgiving.
I kinda wanted to see my family, like most people with hearts, but it was not going to be possible.
So I broke my hand.
Kind of…
Anyway, I was told by one doctor I needed surgery, and my insurance states that I have to have all my major procedures done at Oaklawn Hospital 450 miles away.
Good riddance, brothel hospital!
So it was decided that I would have to drive home after my Monday night class.
So Monday comes along, and I wake up after almost no sleep (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE). I go to my night class, almost fall asleep in it, and hit the road at almost 9 o’clock.
This doesn’t sound bad enough yet.
I drive a stick shift.
*Broken hand remember?!?!?*
And, also, there was a winter storm warning for all of Michigan…
I also had a pregnant woman in the car who went into labor as I was driving over the bridge, and I was the only one who could deliver the baby! (That’s a lie…)
Anyway, the conditions were bad, and I have never been less confident about a trip in my life, but God is good and I lived…
Just to go home and have three inch needles jammed in my wrist!
Thanks a lot Dr. Thomas, I will think of you every time a metallic object scrapes the calcium from my bones!
